Thoughts on Graduation:
Here we are arriving at graduation. I am not sure what to think or how to feel. I just spent the last three years of my life in school. I finally have a job to look forward to (that’s not retail). I finally have all that I hope to achieve in my adult life (a job, a place to live, some stable income).
I had hoped to have achieved this a long time ago. That never happened (life throwing’ ya lemons) I look back and reflect on the last three years. What lessons have I learned? Who do I need to thank? Who is that I became in the last three years? Did I just become some schlep who went back to school because I couldn’t find a job with my art school degree? I keep asking myself these questions. I have been doing that all week. These things have been playing in my mind all week. In my attempt to write honestly, (and hopefully better)- I am sharing the answers.
- Who have I become in the last three years?
I think for me, I became someone that once again had to push hard. I speak true to myself and say, “Nothing Ever Comes Easy” (which why I have this tattooed to me). I am learning to be fiercely unapologetic to others. I have had to push out so much negative in my life. When it came to negativity about my skills, my career, my looks (all of it – and god damn those looks because that self-image thing is such a bitch). I learned to push beyond what others wanted. I had to know deep down what I wanted. (I’ve read all that bad-ass books on girl bossing and such). I knew that I wanted a job. I had to prove everyone wrong and show them I was serious. I had to take extra courses in writing to show I was committed to getting better and what I set forth to do (Marketing ahem!) (and the writing thing I am still getting down).
I became more of my true authentic self I feel like. I started to understand that (I ramble a lot) I can use both sides of my brain to create my career. I had to realize no matter what anyone says, “I am enough” (even though majority of the time my brain doesn’t say it). That’s who I am- someone who had to push beyond the words “Never going to happen”. I once heard my friend Esther tell me the one thing I’ve always liked about you “You know who you are and You are grounded in that”.
That life is can be harder than you think. Life can throw a lot of crap your way, you just must roll with it (hell half the time I was crying at life).
- What lessons have I learned?
“Failure Isn’t an Option”- Corri Mcfadden
I ended up getting this quote tattooed to me; because it spoke to me so deeply. I knew when I started school I just had to find something better. I set out to study web design. That didn’t quite work out the way I had hoped. Marketing just kind of fell in my lap. My biggest fear in life is that I would end up not being able to make it in the world (and I’m hanging in there now) I knew that Failure couldn’t be an option for me I had just had to make this degree work for me. Hopefully it will.
“You are the most vital part of your creativity” –Melissa Camilleri
“YOU” is the key emphasis here. I learned that without me there was no fun creativity in blogging, school, social media whatever I choose. That “I” had to make this happen.
“When it comes to blogging FUCK all of the hate*
A few of my good blogger friends (Corri Mcfadden , Hallie Wilson, Janet Mandell, Jennifer Worman, Natalie Craig, Courtney Quinn and Maya Mcdonald ) all pushed me to come back to blogging and told me to Fuck what everyone else thinks. These ladies are some serious bad ass babes (I thank them for the words of encouragement!) Here I am trying that out again! (and ps, the people on Get Off My Internets thanks for saying some of the things you did, because I realized hey you took the time to come to my blog and read it and tell me I am fat and ugly and ps I’m still here)
“Be who God made you to be”– Dad
Dads have the best advice, don’t they? My dad has been the person that I have needed the most in the last few years. He was always there with words of advice and continues to be. God created me to be this way and I need to keep on doin’.
Who do I have to thank?
Friends- if you have someway come across with me at work, school or social media without your love and friendship-you mean the world to me. (I don’t just use that term loosely) I have always felt somewhat isolated from society so the few people I do have in my circle mean a lot.
Dad- I love you. You are the man I admire so much. You mean so much. I can’t emphasize this enough.
God- without the almighty Father the one that was there in the deep down when no one else saw the pain-You were the one. I cant and couldn’t keep going the way I was without you God. I love you.
I feel fortunate to have these experiences in the last three years. Thank you for taking some small time out to read this experience. I look forward to the future and whatever may happen and hopefully a new blog to write in the future.